How To Win Friends and Influence People

From Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People"

The fundamentals

"Speak ill of no man and speak all the good you know of everyone."

People react very badly to criticism; don't do it, not to their face nor behind their back ... especially not behind their back.

Say "Thank You".

Express appreciation. People yearn, yearn to be appreciated.

Talk about what people want and help them get it.

"Arouse in others an eager want." Corollary: let others take credit for your ideas; they'll like your ideas a lot more if they believe them to be their own.

Ways to make people like you

Be happy to see people.

Greet everyone you meet and show an interest in them. Remember the things that are important to them.


Remembers peoples' names!!

Remember it, use it when talking to them. A person's name sounds beautiful to them.

Draw people out.

Encourage them to talk about themselves and their interests.

Actively research the other person's interests.

Every person you meet feels themselves superior to you in some way.

Strain to find out what that is and recognize their importance. Talk to people about themselves and they will listen to you for hours.

Win people to your way of thinking

Don't argue!

Give in! Agree that the other person is right; often they are and if they aren't, you'll never convince them of it by arguing.

Don't ever tell a person they're wrong.

They may be but telling them so is always counterproductive. It is difficult for a person to admit to themselves that they are wrong; harder still to admit it to others.

If you know you're wrong, admit it.

Openly and freely admit whenever you're wrong. And always leave open the possibility that you're wrong even of you think you aren't.

Friendliness begets friendliness.

Always begin that way. Don't accuse.

Never neglect a kindness.

Look for ways to do or say something nice.

Start out by emphasizing areas of agreement.

When a person has said "no" it's hard to get them to change even if they know they're wrong.

Let the other person do most of the talking.

Listen patiently and don't interrupt. Let your friends be better than you.

Let people come to your conclusions.

First, tell me what you expect of me; then tell me what I can expect of you. People will generally live up to the commitments they make to you as long as they came up with them on their own.

Think always in terms of the other person's point of view.

Where they stand depends on where they sit; figure out where they're sitting.

Many of the people you will ever meet are dying for sympathy.

Give it to them and they will love you.

A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

Dramatize your ideas.

"Don't use logic; tell stories." Make your ideas visible, concrete. Bear in mind that people don't know until you show them what you mean.

Stimulate in others their innate desire to excel (perhaps through a friendly challenge or through competition).

Be a leader

Don't go sailing into difficult interpersonal situations with guns blazing. You'll always get a negative reaction.

Change "but" into "and".

Be indirect in your criticism. Praise before you condemn.

Ask questions rather than giving orders.

Be very careful to help others preserve their dignity.

People crave recognition